The A La Carte

Technically, my five-year (business) anniversary was yesterday. But I was busy outside, getting sunburnt at the playground, so today it is.

Here’s the truth: a lot of small businesses don’t make it here. Some days, I don’t even know how I have. Some days, I wonder if I still want to. But the people I work with—the clients who trust me, the projects that keep landing in my lap—keep the days rolling. There’s never a lack of work. Always a long to-do list. And somehow, I keep showing up.

The struggle is real, though. Money is tight.
One of the hardest things I do is bill people. Which sounds ridiculous, right? I’ve done the work. I’ve earned it. But I haven’t always had a great relationship with money. Growing up, money was the number one source of tension—making it, keeping it, spending it. And now as an adult, I still carry those patterns. Sometimes I don’t pay a bill, even when I do have the money. Sometimes I just flat-out don’t have it. Either way, the weight of it makes me feel sick.

I’ve tried programs. I’ve tried systems. Nothing has fully stuck. I keep telling myself, if I can just get caught up right now, then I’ll be good. But then a medical bill arrives, or something unexpected hits, and I’m right back to square one.

Do I need to raise my prices? My imposter syndrome says no. The market says yes. Do I need to cut more? I’ve already sliced off every subscription except internet (non-negotiable for work) and my $15 Netflix (because downtime matters). Hulu is gone, which means no more sports. College Football has started, NFL is this week. Hockey is looming. And I feel the itch. But for now, that indulgence is shelved.

Maybe I’ll go viral. Doubt it. I barely show my face in photos. So instead, I’ll just keep pushing forward, one client, one bill, one day at a time. So please forgive a few extra moments of stress. I’m working on it.

The cool weather is coming. Cozy season is almost here so I’ll want to be inside more instead of outside playing. And maybe that’s enough for now.

Five years down, however many more to go.

xo,
Ande