The A La Carte

This one was kind of fun. The prompt is ask AI to describe you as if they were warning someone before they meet you…

WARNING: You are about to meet Ande. Proceed accordingly.

She is going to seem friendly, funny, capable, and relatively normal at first. This is how she gets you.

Within an alarmingly short period of time, she will have figured out what you do, how your business works, where the inefficiencies are, which person is probably causing 80% of your problems, and the spreadsheet that could fix at least half of it.

Do not casually mention a problem unless you are prepared for her to start solving it. She cannot hear, “Yeah, we’ve just never figured out a good system for that,” without mentally opening Excel.

She knows a guy. Actually, she knows a lot of guys. Need a realtor? Contractor? Sign? Event venue? Weird piece of information about Tacoma? Someone who knows someone who can make a thing happen by Thursday? Give her five minutes.

She is an introvert who somehow knows everybody. Don’t try to understand this contradiction. We have stopped investigating.

She communicates primarily through sarcasm, obscure references, stories that require three pieces of backstory, and occasionally saying something so wildly blunt that you’ll need a second to realize she’s absolutely right.

If she likes you, she will help you. Then help you again. Then quietly notice something else you need and take care of that too. Eventually you may have to physically prevent her from being useful.

Important: being helpful is not casual for her. It’s practically a competitive sport.

She thrives in controlled chaos, although the definition of “controlled” is occasionally under review.

She has approximately 47 things happening at any given moment, will tell you she is overwhelmed, and then somehow agree to organize an event, fix someone’s CRM, make a flyer, solve a technology problem, write something, and help a friend with a completely unrelated crisis before dinner.

Do not mistake her competence for not needing anything.

She is significantly better at taking care of other people than letting other people take care of her. If you offer help, there is a decent chance she will instinctively say, “No, I’m good,” while very clearly carrying seventeen metaphorical grocery bags.

She notices effort. She notices inconsistency too.

If something doesn’t add up, she will probably not confront you immediately. She will collect data like a tiny administrative FBI agent until she understands the entire situation.

Actually, she notices everything.

She is deeply loyal, sometimes longer than is advisable. Once you’re one of her people, she will show up hard. But if she eventually decides she’s done, understand that there were probably 63 opportunities before that moment where you could have gotten your shit together.

Also, don’t assume the sarcasm means she doesn’t care. It usually means she cares quite a bit and would prefer we all remain emotionally civilized about it.

She wants connection but doesn’t particularly enjoy admitting she wants connection, which is extremely convenient and not complicated whatsoever.

Feed her sushi. Bring coffee. Sit somewhere with shade. Don’t suggest a hike unless you’re looking to end the friendship.

And perhaps most importantly:

Do not tell Ande, “I don’t think that can be done.”

Because now you’ve made it a project.

And she loves a damn project.

I’ll have to say, I have never felt so seen in a way that I’d never describe myself.